Yes, for the first time ever, I was at a real cosplay convention!!!
Date was on the 27th of December 2009 and I'll remember this day forever! Could not stop smiling all day while I was there : ) It is an UNFORGETTABLE EXPERIENCE!!!
the EOY.
but it can be improved with the venue being bigger, though that will most probably mean more expensive tickets... but it's the experience that counts! or the affordability of the event?
I wonder...
Now, my heart is with SOY and it will be better than ever!!!
-Cat
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Afraid. Very afraid.
I am afraid of trying.
So I am doing nothing at all in the end.
And this feeling of despair makes me think I'm just a whiner.
So I am doing nothing at all in the end.
And this feeling of despair makes me think I'm just a whiner.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
don't feel like doing anything
I am not alone.
No one is.
But we feel we are.
We feel lonely because we think we are important.
And important people will have people by their side all the time.
Untrue. True. Untrue. True.
I have plucked out all the petals of the rose!
And so it's true.
---
And I feel like falling in love with every guy who treats me well. I am not loving the right way.
No one is.
But we feel we are.
We feel lonely because we think we are important.
And important people will have people by their side all the time.
Untrue. True. Untrue. True.
I have plucked out all the petals of the rose!
And so it's true.
---
And I feel like falling in love with every guy who treats me well. I am not loving the right way.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Stubborn nature
Today, I walked from Tanglin Mall to the Far East Plaza.
A long walk. Very long.
And it's raining! It's so cool!!
I keep wondering why I am walking so far away so if I wana continue walking. And in the end, I did.
I just kept walking. And before I found it, I had given up.
And when I turned a corner in the street, I found what I was looking for. Weird, huh?
Life's all so strange to us all, don't you think so?
And as I come up with an answer to my wonder, I found what can be describing me for most of the time.
跟着感觉走。Follow my instincts.
~Cat~
YanLan
YLCourt
A long walk. Very long.
And it's raining! It's so cool!!
I keep wondering why I am walking so far away so if I wana continue walking. And in the end, I did.
I just kept walking. And before I found it, I had given up.
And when I turned a corner in the street, I found what I was looking for. Weird, huh?
Life's all so strange to us all, don't you think so?
And as I come up with an answer to my wonder, I found what can be describing me for most of the time.
跟着感觉走。Follow my instincts.
~Cat~
YanLan
YLCourt
Monday, November 9, 2009
Back
But for how long?
I always come and go so fleetingly, it's soo annoying.
And I have absolutely no love for myself so I let myself fall into the abyss of despair - not that anyone would care though... only my parents perhaps, how sad!
Family can only be with you for so long...
And any individual should find their own cliches and groups to belong to.
But I feel I belong to none.
Scary it is - to feel that my existence is for nothing.
Except to use up oxygen and water that so many others other than myself deserve more so...
I talk to no one and this will make people feel I am making everything up.
Perhaps I am.
Perhaps am not.
And one thing's for sure ^^
NO ONE CARES ABOUT PEOPLE WHO GIVE UP ON THEMSELVES!
I always come and go so fleetingly, it's soo annoying.
And I have absolutely no love for myself so I let myself fall into the abyss of despair - not that anyone would care though... only my parents perhaps, how sad!
Family can only be with you for so long...
And any individual should find their own cliches and groups to belong to.
But I feel I belong to none.
Scary it is - to feel that my existence is for nothing.
Except to use up oxygen and water that so many others other than myself deserve more so...
I talk to no one and this will make people feel I am making everything up.
Perhaps I am.
Perhaps am not.
And one thing's for sure ^^
NO ONE CARES ABOUT PEOPLE WHO GIVE UP ON THEMSELVES!
Monday, May 11, 2009
animation
Haha, animation. My love. Its on my mind day and night. Everyday. It's driving me crazy but I'll love to die thinking of it. Obsessed with animation and its eating into my real life but I am not afraid of falling over it. Animation is keeping me alive. Animation.
Japanese animation. My favourite: One Piece. Its still going strong after 10 years and the author of this epic adventure series seems not to suffer from any story blocks, still churning out chapters after chapters of pure fun and thrilling adventures for the story characters and arcs. It talks about pursuing your dreams and it makes my cry and laugh at times. It tugs at heartstrings. The story is great, the characters are fun. You won't hate One Piece once you watch it. You'll love it.
Japanese animation. My favourite: One Piece. Its still going strong after 10 years and the author of this epic adventure series seems not to suffer from any story blocks, still churning out chapters after chapters of pure fun and thrilling adventures for the story characters and arcs. It talks about pursuing your dreams and it makes my cry and laugh at times. It tugs at heartstrings. The story is great, the characters are fun. You won't hate One Piece once you watch it. You'll love it.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
self, confidence, fear
i have too much self - selfish.
now i know how the proud people may hate themselves.
n pride can just finish a person like death can do.
self-confidence is hard to find, at least to me.
people say I am confident, but am I?
I just pile pressure onto myself, fearing that I can't do what I promise.
fear is just fear.
to face fear is to win self.
and to win self is to heed to others.
no self is alone in an island.
and an island is in the world.
no one can live alone.
and no one will not want to help another.
as we become apathetic, we also become fearful.
fearing that things can haunt us, will haunt us.
thinking that things can happen, they will happen.
deja vu happens in dreams, but manifests in the world.
and that is a form of fortune telling, a creation of the future.
complicated is not a word to describe an not so simple heart.
complicated is simply thinking too much.
and by thinking too much, you easily lose yourself.
when you lose yourself, you fear.
because you can't control your life.
and not controlling your life will be what a person fear the most.
now i know how the proud people may hate themselves.
n pride can just finish a person like death can do.
self-confidence is hard to find, at least to me.
people say I am confident, but am I?
I just pile pressure onto myself, fearing that I can't do what I promise.
fear is just fear.
to face fear is to win self.
and to win self is to heed to others.
no self is alone in an island.
and an island is in the world.
no one can live alone.
and no one will not want to help another.
as we become apathetic, we also become fearful.
fearing that things can haunt us, will haunt us.
thinking that things can happen, they will happen.
deja vu happens in dreams, but manifests in the world.
and that is a form of fortune telling, a creation of the future.
complicated is not a word to describe an not so simple heart.
complicated is simply thinking too much.
and by thinking too much, you easily lose yourself.
when you lose yourself, you fear.
because you can't control your life.
and not controlling your life will be what a person fear the most.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Crushes
Crushes. What a word.
A word that can either break or make one's heart. Is called a crush.
I've gone through crushes many times. And every time it appears, it makes me painful.
And feeling a sense of inferiority is always crushing to one's heart and soul. Having a crush on someone means that person having a crush is weak. Not strong enough to confess. Not strong enough to continue loving.
A crush. Oh what a word!
A word that can either break or make one's heart. Is called a crush.
I've gone through crushes many times. And every time it appears, it makes me painful.
And feeling a sense of inferiority is always crushing to one's heart and soul. Having a crush on someone means that person having a crush is weak. Not strong enough to confess. Not strong enough to continue loving.
A crush. Oh what a word!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
If I can die...
All people will die.
But their spirit will live on.
So if the spirit also dies.
Then living is useless.
No one wants to be forgotten.
Everyone wants to be remembered.
And the ways to seek their wishes differ from people to people.
Some does evil to seek their wishes.
Some commits good to be remembered.
And those who are feeling every so lonely, kills themselves to be remembered.
Or they'll struggle to live to not be forgotten.
Loneliness drives people crazy and they will be ignored by others.
Ignorance equals to loneliness and loneliness equals to the depressed.
But their spirit will live on.
So if the spirit also dies.
Then living is useless.
No one wants to be forgotten.
Everyone wants to be remembered.
And the ways to seek their wishes differ from people to people.
Some does evil to seek their wishes.
Some commits good to be remembered.
And those who are feeling every so lonely, kills themselves to be remembered.
Or they'll struggle to live to not be forgotten.
Loneliness drives people crazy and they will be ignored by others.
Ignorance equals to loneliness and loneliness equals to the depressed.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Self Reflection
There's so many things to say about myself.
Naive.
Fake.
Arrogant.
Bastard.
n of course,
Fatso.
I was reminded of the last word from a dictionary that belonged to me in Primary School.
People has said I am a confident person but I'll beg to differ.
I look down on myself, but try very hard to mask this very painful truth.
And with a mask, comes the lies.
And with lies, fakeness. A word that may perhaps describe me best.
I am a fake person. Or even why I'm still alive.
Don't be afraid. I'm scared to kill myself.
And thoughts of suicide only drives me to the brink of madness. It won't kill me.
Crying is the best way to vent thoughts of suicide, I guess. I can swear with my life that when I'm on the brink of madness, the only way I knew to save myself will be by crying.
Even if crying makes me look like a fool. One that perhaps should not be still alive.
But as I look down on myself. As I pity myself for the cruelties of fate. The world still revolves around me. They won't stop to sympathise with me, only looking down on me more than I'll never imagine.
And for my pride to be stepped upon, I'm dead already.
Living does not mean the person is still alive. He/She is just being a living machine. Breathing but not feeling. Feeling but not happy.
Naive.
Fake.
Arrogant.
Bastard.
n of course,
Fatso.
I was reminded of the last word from a dictionary that belonged to me in Primary School.
People has said I am a confident person but I'll beg to differ.
I look down on myself, but try very hard to mask this very painful truth.
And with a mask, comes the lies.
And with lies, fakeness. A word that may perhaps describe me best.
I am a fake person. Or even why I'm still alive.
Don't be afraid. I'm scared to kill myself.
And thoughts of suicide only drives me to the brink of madness. It won't kill me.
Crying is the best way to vent thoughts of suicide, I guess. I can swear with my life that when I'm on the brink of madness, the only way I knew to save myself will be by crying.
Even if crying makes me look like a fool. One that perhaps should not be still alive.
But as I look down on myself. As I pity myself for the cruelties of fate. The world still revolves around me. They won't stop to sympathise with me, only looking down on me more than I'll never imagine.
And for my pride to be stepped upon, I'm dead already.
Living does not mean the person is still alive. He/She is just being a living machine. Breathing but not feeling. Feeling but not happy.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Like or dislike
Is there something wrong with me? Or am I simply so paranoid of what others are thinking of me?
I gotta admit.... I am very sensitive on this. Perhaps because I was bullied when I was young and is really scared of what others are thinking of me. Perhaps I'm pessimistic too, thinking of the negative side of things, thinking "I can't do" or "People don't like me so I am left alone".
But thinking deeper, one might infer that I did not initiate conversations with people at all! And that's my problem.
I can't converse well. I am scared of voicing my opinion sometimes. I am scared of offending people and so kept silent for most of the time in any conversations... I don't wanna say the wrong things.
But saying nothing suggests arrogance on my part, perhaps. I am scared of people's impression on me. That is a great flaw of me.
I surround myself in a bubble and cannot break out of it, even if I want to. Because I don't know how... sounds like an excuse? Maybe! But that's from the bottom of my heart...
Loneliness maybe a familiar feeling for me but I don't wanna face it again... and is struggling against falling into a deep abyss that I would not be able to climb out of, no matter how hard I tried...
I gotta admit.... I am very sensitive on this. Perhaps because I was bullied when I was young and is really scared of what others are thinking of me. Perhaps I'm pessimistic too, thinking of the negative side of things, thinking "I can't do" or "People don't like me so I am left alone".
But thinking deeper, one might infer that I did not initiate conversations with people at all! And that's my problem.
I can't converse well. I am scared of voicing my opinion sometimes. I am scared of offending people and so kept silent for most of the time in any conversations... I don't wanna say the wrong things.
But saying nothing suggests arrogance on my part, perhaps. I am scared of people's impression on me. That is a great flaw of me.
I surround myself in a bubble and cannot break out of it, even if I want to. Because I don't know how... sounds like an excuse? Maybe! But that's from the bottom of my heart...
Loneliness maybe a familiar feeling for me but I don't wanna face it again... and is struggling against falling into a deep abyss that I would not be able to climb out of, no matter how hard I tried...
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Coming back music
Came back! Why do I go back? Everyone does that.
What do I like? What do I want? What do I need? What do I fear? Music.
Uncertainty. Feeling unloved. Love.
Love.
Seeking love.
Revenge. A twisted form of anger.
It's a beautiful yet dark emotion, exploring the every epitome of any human's dark side.
Revenge is not facing your music. Is a form of escapism. Steering yourself forward in life with a different emotion from despair, jealousy and anger.
"Why. Why am I poorer than others? Why do I not have things that should belong to me but belongs to him/her? Why should I lose my loved ones? I did no wrong so why are they punishing me?" - everyone should face their music.
Music is an universal language. Understood by all. Emotions all in check. You can't be wrong.
Yet sometimes, not even I understand myself. Not to say my music.
Music never lies. And that's why I love music. It evokes my emotions like no other.
What do I like? What do I want? What do I need? What do I fear? Music.
Uncertainty. Feeling unloved. Love.
Love.
Seeking love.
Revenge. A twisted form of anger.
It's a beautiful yet dark emotion, exploring the every epitome of any human's dark side.
Revenge is not facing your music. Is a form of escapism. Steering yourself forward in life with a different emotion from despair, jealousy and anger.
"Why. Why am I poorer than others? Why do I not have things that should belong to me but belongs to him/her? Why should I lose my loved ones? I did no wrong so why are they punishing me?" - everyone should face their music.
Music is an universal language. Understood by all. Emotions all in check. You can't be wrong.
Yet sometimes, not even I understand myself. Not to say my music.
Music never lies. And that's why I love music. It evokes my emotions like no other.
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